What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
12.06.2025 02:32
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We were not on the streets..
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Is it wrong of me to feel uncomfortable that my friend thinks my brother is hot?
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
What are some examples of unofficial acts by presidents?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
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I don,t even have a pension.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
What's the difference between “ce”, “ça”, and “cela”, and when do I use each (French)?
We all went to grammer schools
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
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I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
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Who then, do I blame.?
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why are Republicans such intolerant people?
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
All the time i was locked up.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
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I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I will be 64.
She was in good health!
Does believing in God and Satan cause schizophrenia?
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I think the readers, may guess!
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
This is soul school!.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I couldn’t, believe it.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Was to survive, this bastard.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
So whats the point in blame.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
But it wasn’t much.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
I waited trembling.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
I was scared of men, in general
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
I have no regrets .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
But ive been too sick for many years..
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Comes on , in middle age.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
And i lived it daily.
My life is so biszare .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I write beautiful poetry .
I could never make a relationship work though!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I said to her
It was going to be , some day.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
So, i spoilt her more .
Would this be the day?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She found it foreign!.
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Ive learnt so much.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Put me off passion for life!!
He resisted the act ,that day.
I was very sick at this time too.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I was 9 years of age.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
My family never makes their pension either.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I had hoped to write a book about this .
But, we were locked up after school.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
One cannot live in the past .
What did i know ?
He knew the spot.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
I never cut or harmed myself..
She loved him until the end.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
When she asked me how she looked .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Im still living with it.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Why did i forgive my father ?
(And it was in our own minds.)
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
She married twice! .
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
I was seconnd youngest,
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She wouldn,t have been !
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor